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Saddaminourhearts
More than a man, not yet awoman. I hate T#### m,ore than life itsefl. WIllaim Crooks found me on the street and take me as his son and teach me everythning I have learned along my journey to Reach The Exit Of This Inholy And Inhumane Samasara

Eksboks Alazacari @Saddaminourhearts

Faustian Glowing

William Crooks School for thos

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dudes rock

Posted by Saddaminourhearts - October 31st, 2021


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this has no intention or point to put across. This changes course quickly, uses the same terms autistically and casually interchangibly, and overall reads like an insane rambling that will probably overwhelm you if you try to think about it all at once. to address this, read this in a way that makes sense to you. I do not recommend skipping around, concepts are introduced quickly and build off each other linguistically, but I would advise you to reread anything that you find confusing, read it in an accent in your head, fuck around with it until you feel it clicks in your brain and you can stop actively thinking about it. Many concepts are brought up briefly and explained in a very scattered, way and you may find it practical to go back quite far to re-read it all at once if that helps your understanding. This is on the topic of awareness and consciousness, and therefore you should try to apply what is said to your perception of these concepts, and how they exist in you if you want this to make any sense. If you disagree with me, fuc kyou


i sip the liquid i smoke the jerb but the self remains. as divided into 3, the mind body and spirit, as the spirit sits in the heart and moves throghout the body in the blood and veins, stoked in its blaze by the breath, as the mind is the thoughts and the projections of real "REALITY" you entwine with the esesence of entities composing and being of the world, as the body contains both and acts as vessel, keeps the mind and spirit grounded and connected through the seats of mind and heart, and projects outwards the qualities you devote yourself to. A long aside but a necessary one to vocalize and conceptually establish the order of things. I just threw fucking raisinets everywhere. Now with this context see how the awareness of spirit is necessary to obtain the full picture. understanding this allows you to separate the functions of consciousness into its parts, consciousness as the evolian "SELF" (not literal 'I" as in the heart) by slow and deliberate analysis of behavior pattern and the role each part plays in the whole. You cannot claim to be something if that thing is itself out of your control. This has many implications that are not easily accepted, but that is the connection that you have to the real world, that "be"ing"" force that keeps you alive. If you were keeping yourself alive as an aware process, you would be dead. Understanding the difference between desire, this "be"ing''' concept, and will is also key to the understanding of the whole of consciousness. I want to take a moment to address again the heart. Do not make the fucking mistake of thinking you are mind and body alone. If you have read so far, ISAAC YOU COWARD, and you thinnk i am talking bullshit out of my ass, or the mixture of ********** amino acids mugwort skullcap and **** ingsterd are making me speak insanely, keep in mind that this is the kind of shit I spend literally all of my waking time thinking about. These concepts have been brewing developing and working (NOT JUST THINKING, WILL ADDRESS LATER AND EARLIER) on for many weeks and in some concepts months or years. this is through a scientific process, believe it or not, following guidelines and taking information from others in the way one picks up casual lifing advice from gym bros who have been roiding for more years than you have lifted. christians have the father the son and the holy spirit, think of it in this way. Hermetists say 'as above so below.' As i was saying, the 3 are independent but under the unified nondual self I. in this the seperate functions may undergo changes independently from the other, with the potential for muitual influence but through understanding and being the separation you can step back and draw strong enough lines to maintain whatever state you want. through the realization of the spirit, self seated in the heart, as a sensory organ (more on this later) you can be this divided state and eventually be aware of a separation, a new unknown area of consciousness that stands apart from this 3 cog machine that exists in the world. this part of consciousness is the most hidden, literally like the shit from dune but not fake becasue Frank Herbert was spitting, go read dune, and it is powerful and unique to humans. Not to dwell too long, this is diverging too much as is, but animals posess the same machine existence as does everything manifested in dense reality, just distributed differently, maybe with a simpler structure, maybe with parts missing or stripped down, but necessary to be in this way at all, as you hopefully see. quick recap for the retards, there are different tiers in the heriarchy of self. This is where language becomes very limiting, as terms we have do not match the concepts and encorporations being described as accurately or exactly as would be fit to undrestnading. [for those who do not know, the only way to know is to experience, or tthe analagous experience to the state of consciousnmess that is seen as the thing being known. To know is a higher degree than to understand, awareness being higher than all, but again the terms are not used precisely or exacttely even here] the heirarchy of self is basically analagous to the heirarchy of existing at all, which may be a nice reassuring thing to some of you. The heirarchy of existence is arranged in a way that elements above act as an umbrella "self" in that by being "self aware" on a certain rung of the ladder allows you to understand, "be", and therefore control elements below. One tier here is the machine of existence, as described before, and arranged bottom to top as 'mind, body, spirit" placing mind below body may seem counterintuitive, but the real function of the mind is to intake stimuli and sensory electric information, run whatever automatic processess are carried out by neurons in the brain, and is in a non physical sense the logic and willpower within a being, as well as dense perpeption. This is a vastly overrated piece of the machine, completely vital to a human and a wonderful tool, but simultaneously vastly overrated as most average retards seat them"selves' in the mind and see them selves as a mind and body only. FUCK YOU!!!!! thats a very limited perception to have, perspective and opinion, and its gay. More importantly, you are not your body either, and by this I mean your body is made up of so many processes that are completely automatic that happen without your will, that you can not claim to be your body. it is so far out of your control that unless youre a fucking bodybuilder weightlifter, you can not claim to be your body. at best you can know your body, and as the hermetists say 'as above so below' the body is a reflection of everything else within the heirarchy, as is the mind. Hormones, arguably the most important deciders in how you act and exist as a person, how you "be" in the world and moment to moment, are located in the brain but are not part of the intangible mind, they are a feature of the brain as the seat of logic and will. Think of how many behaviors that people, you and me, engage in that we ideally and through optimum logic wouldnt, that we may not be entirely on board with(pause), that we cant seem to will ourselves to do. Do you have feelings? intense emotions, ever? are you able to exert your willpower to control your emotional experience completely? of coiurse not, you exert yourself greatly through willpower to control your bodys response to emotions, that is aLl most can do. your emotions are felt and exert themselves on your mind and your body if you do not draw a hard line separating, even if you do it is reflected through the entirity of self through incorporation into being, but they do not come from your mind and do not come from your body. that is why you must acknowledge the spirit. As the highest gear in the machine the spirit is the closest to the encorporation of which it is under the umbrella, that being the "conscious and (semi)complete percieving dense self." [See here the stacking of terms, due to the way my brain has been developed through rational loops logic patterns and percieved experience I tend to create concepts in a way that is a gradual introduction of ideas, as contained entities, that can be stacked arranged and built upon in this way. This may clarify some of the schizophrenic and incomprehensible qualities of this text, and i hope it provides insight if you were understanibly at all confused.] and as the spirit's seat in the body is the heart, you should instead of seeing your existant aware self in the brain see it in the heart. Seat it in the heart, as it would be a king on a throne, and through this your alkready expreienced existence in emotion is now something that you can observe and look upon and realize. As the self is there you are aware of it, and as seating the self in the heart and through this finally seeing what you are within this structure and piece of the hierarchy, you also see what you are not, making the experience of full realization analogous to the experience of the higher tier of self allowing you to know it and opening your awareness to that which exists above it, separate from it, out of your control, but still within your consciousness. Now I have shown you one piece of the heirarchy, the "conscious and complete percieving dense self." Below this we have, as mentioned previously, the parts of you that are within your physical body or rational mind, that you do not directly control but are the small atomized interacting pieces that make up the cogs in the "conscious and (semi)complete percieving dense self." machine analogy. These atomized pieces are the the things that i have briefly touched upon in my earlier explanations, the thought patterns and structure of rationality in the brain, the actions and behaviors of various hormones dopamine and other neurotransmitter chemicals, the sensing properties of the nervous system and the latent mental projection of dense reality that is your sense of vision, and most retards regard as "real life," the biological processes of mucscle recovery amino acid movement cell repair and mitosis, digestion and the nervous system, all things that are necessary and are below as above. Below this tier of the heriarchy, the base element of existence, the thing that feeds the sensory parts of the machine, conservation of matter says everything is a tranformation, and this base thing is transformed into our emotions and thorughts, this is why the heart is a sensory organ, it generates emotions by transforming this element as it unifies with it through perception, just as light coming into your eyes making up what you see, separeate from you to an extent as it is a shared element composing everything dense and real, is the latent desire and "wanting' that animates everytihng. Think oif it as electrons, think of it as chi, think of it as pleroma, think of it as a frequency of vibration, but it is undeniable that everything dense and percpetible as existant, manifests out of a single minded, unstoppable, ruthless desire for space to be. Everything is a projection of its holistic composition, but it is all driven by a base desire for being. BEING. THIS IS KEY. UNDERSTAND BEING. A fixed projection, an arrangement of atoms chemicals and bonds, God's image in creation, all correct tools to grasp this concept, but you have to grasp it. Boil the universe in a pot, reduce it for as long as anyone will wait, and at the bottom you will find a swirling oozing mass of burning FUCKING INTENSE, INSANELY VIOLENT, CHURNING TURBUGLANT desire to BE. to TAKE FORM. Recognize this as a tier of the heirarchy because without it your self could not exist, there would be nothing there, no CD in the player. Our time, as a measurement, is measuring this exact thing. We know we are observing time from within it, because we experience this directly, and therefore we know "we' are not what is observing time from the outside, big picture, frozen perspective (i will address this later). [It is best explained as a progression, because to understand these concepts in a way that you can actually apply to yourself that will give you something to process and think about and work with, you need to see these things within youself in a scientifically precise manner. (Ahead By seeing i mean knowing, epxeriencing, or analogous experience. YOu actually have to do it, or else it is only a thought wihtin the mind and you do not truely know it, not that this is a waste of time(think siddartha, by experiencing every form he achieves a higher understanding) You need to seat the spirit in the heart so you can see everything that composes the self in that tier of the heriarchy, realize that there is more within your consciousness that is not there, see the latent processes that compose the self in dense lower existence, and then by doing this you see where "you" ends and everything else begins, and then you can see the threshold where these two forms meet, and then you can see what composes the other form, this sea of 'stuff" that is inherent desire manifested in being connecting everything, at first you see how it manifests most obviously in dense being, the objects around you, your body and its processes, how your body transforms this essence into muscle through utilizing itself as a tool (piece of the "conscious percieving dense self machine"), then you see how it manifests lower and more subtly in your mind, the way you generate ideas and thoughts, the way what you "see" is actually a projection of your mind (backed by mainstream scientific thought) transforming this essence, and you see how the heart similarly transforms it into your feelings, emotions, intuition, spiritual guidance or however you name it, the products of the heart and spirit, and you realize that the heart is a sensory organ in this way. Notice my use of the term "lower," this connects with the metaphysical concept of an entity outside of time, able to pause it and analyze eveything within a moment, as I mentioned earlier these established parts of the heirarchy of consciousness exist within time (awareness within a given moment, perception). If you know where I am taking this, congratualtions because I am genuinely impressed. Knowing this part of the heirarchy and what it is in the context of time, you now see that not this part of the heirarchy is the aforementtioned entity, and by seeing this you have now realized the existence of higher forms within your consciousness. These higher transformations are above the previously encapsulating sense of 'self" seated in the heart that is composing the lower tiers of the heriarchy, and as the "base senses" transform the essence into material to feed the "self(you (singular introspective)) engine", this self engine transforms perception into the material feeding this higher tier of consciousness that, by seeing, you have now absorbed into your "self." See now how your memories, dreams(literal dreams) are some of the products of these higher encorporations. Your subconscious, what you exprience during deep sleep, the usual sensory process is being bypassed, you are simultaneously exerting the desire energy and transforming the products of your self machine, and in this dividing your conscious self into an observer within time and an observer outside of time, a duality that by being within you and outside of you creates powerful potential when you consider that a lower experience of the self must be as one complete contained encorporation. Despite this, To deny that these systems exist within your consciousness is absurd, becuase you are it by being it and experience, which raises many questions that I can not answer. Beyond this is where my knowledge and understanding of the subject becomes very limited, as I am by no means experienced in the realms of dream or meditation that allow you to experience these processes through deliberate direction transformation and observation. The points I want to stress are that the productions and results I have listed for all of these processes are by no means comprehensive lists, merely examples that I have found useful, and that My introspection into the higher functions of consciousness are very limited and impaired by how retarded i am and how much sick ganj i smoke. Marcus Aurelius said 'see things as they are," and i encourage you to try and take this type of introspective look at your existence and "entire true reality" even if that means you see, percieve, label these systems differently, you must ''be' in accordance to this structure and if you are a winner, your system is valid. Even if you disagree with me and think i am completely out of my gourd, you could sit down an explain your views on the matter and if we are able to have a conversation about where we differ, I am confident that we would be saying the same thing on the condition that your existence is good within your interpretation of it, returing to what i mentioned earlier about the limitations of language and the inaccuracy in the terms and descriptions i am using. To go even further in depth, think of how words are merely an outward extension of an encorporated energy, manifested in dense reality as sound measurable as energy in frequency. You can 'know' something by hearing it (mental perception), but this knowledge is limited to your intellect memory and rationality unless you abandon the letters and transform it into a concept within your mind, which can then be made real by the body, or further processed by the spirit and transformed into a higher material [analogous to alchemy, it is a metaphorical process of turning "lead" into "gold", and I have not even touched on the spiritual or religous implications of the sun and moon, the infinite manifestations of the essence of "being" desire]. When you use tools outside of the mind you abandon language, and these transformations are where concepts can be mutated and misunderstood. Imagine a word that so accurately represented the form of the essence behind it that to percieve it is to experience consciousness in that same, or an infinitely close analogous form. That should help you understand the concept of "be", and That would be fucking crazy.


to end it off, I want to tell you to separate the processes within you and grasp them as tools. understand the hierarchy of consciousness, know where your self resides within this. Feel with your heart. Feel everything as it is, using the tools of perception within you. understand what constitutes true knowledge, what is perception, what is the self. see how these structures exist within the people around you. understand what it is to be. see how these structures exist within everything, how everything is a hierarchy within nature within life. be the manifestation of desire and see being in everything that is. be victory, if you want to win.


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